Finally I have managed to get the Book published and on Amazon's list. The Black Book of Retirement is now available at amazon.co.uk and amazon.com. It has been a long process and I bet John Grisham finds the process easier than I did. But it's now there.

You can buy discounted versions on there along with 'Free Delivery' apparently. Mind you, you need to spend £15 to get 'free delivery'. Maybe I need to explain my interpretation of 'free' to amazon unless of course it is me that has it wrong and Christine is right with her theory of 'the more you spend the more you save' when things are on offer.

Christine isn't sure she is too happy about having her life and habits published for everyone to read, although I did ask her who she thought has been reading the Blog for the last two years as that has a much larger readership than the Book .. so far.

So here you go. just follow the link to place your order, us pensioners need all the help we can get......Buy The Book

Now I know we have been here before but with six of us living in the cottage food shopping has become a nightmare. We had it sorted when there was only two of us, it was something Christine did by herself while I sat in the coffee shop and had an Americano with an Apricot Croissant. A good allocation of duties I thought!

But now it’s shopping for six and I have been recruited to help. No longer do we wander down the market to buy our weekly supply of vegetables which even with Christine’s love of all things green still only just about fills a carrier bag. The local pork butcher has seen a big dip in his trade no longer getting our £12 a week for a two person roast, some sausages and a few chops. Our bread and cheese no longer comes from the local deli or our wine from the local merchant, instead we go to Tescos.

That’s the same Tescos that I refused to shop at in an attempt to ruin their profits and force them into closing. Which seeing as we were only shopping for the two of us did not seem to have any noticeable impact but we can but try! And whilst on the subject of Tescos has anyone else noticed how confusing they make their half price offers, I know I am getting on in years but I am not easily confused, that is until I go into Tescos. I do wonder if it’s part of their company policy to boost profits. For instance this week there was a half price offer on Hardy’s Chauvignon Blanc and as most people know I am quite partial to a glass of wine, only after the school bus has passed of course, so I pick up a couple and add them to the trolley. A good deal, or so I thought!

I realise later that I have been charged full price for these two bottles and return to the store in Beverley to look at the offer again and sure enough it still says “Half Price”. The problem of course is in the small print, the offer is for Hardy’s Chauvignon Blanc but mixed on the shelf above the offer is indeed some Hardy’s Chauvignon Blanc but also some Hardy’s Semillon Chardonnay both having the same label design except the words Chauvignon Blanc being replaced by Semillon Chardonnay and these of course are not half price. Deliberate company policy or what? I leave you to decide.

But that is nothing to do with today’s posting. We are now shopping for six which means instead of picking odd and ends from here and there we have a very large trolley. Not even one of the shallow trolleys, we now need a very deep very big trolley and these are even more difficult to push in a straight line than the shallow ones. But even that is not the point of the story, it’s the amount of food we get through that is hard to believe. We arrive home with dozens of bags of shopping, spend the next hour or so finding somewhere to put it all and then what happens, Amber walks in the kitchen to tell us we have run out of shortbread for her to have with her afternoon cup of tea. Run out! Run out! We can’t be out of anything we have just picked something from every counter in Tescos.

The next day we are down the shop again getting everything we have forgotten. The problem is people keep eating whatever it is we have brought in, if we all stopped eating for a few days maybe we could get on top of situation. There must be somewhere that does lessons in how to shop for six, we need help.

But it isn’t even just the shopping. I know it’s hard to believe but Christine has been baking! It certainly surprises me that I can write a phrase like ‘Christine has been baking’, forty odd years we have been together and suddenly Christine has been baking. When we got the new Range Cooker I knew it was only a matter of time until scones and sausage rolls became a regular feature of our diet, what I didn’t anticipate is that it would take getting on for two years and that there would be six of us eating them.

So last week a tray of a dozen scones come out the oven and naturally we need to try them whilst they are hot so that’s six gone followed by one each after lunch and that’s it, scones all gone. The Drop Scones got no further than the plate as they came out of the frying pan, six people sampling them made short work of a bowl full of batter and even the dozen Blueberry Muffins only lasted into the next day. Christine has decided baking is pointless as people only eat whatever she bakes as soon as it comes out the oven. So she has stopped.

Well the shopping is all put away, fridges and freezers are again bursting with food, the school bus has passed and we are settling down in the Garden Room with our full price bottles of wine, all’s well with the world. Then in walks Joe, who is making some Brownies and tells us we are now out of cocoa.

I top up my glass and go looking for a cracker to have with a little cheese while I read my book and wait for our evening meal. Guess what? We are out of crackers, I top up my glass again and eat the cheese by itself. We will get the hang of this soon, perhaps.

Well what can say, so long without any ramblings, but I have been ill you know. Flu! Not just man flue but the real thing, three days in bed another week recovering and then what happens, we go to Dublin with Richard and Maureen.

But to begin at the beginning. It’s Thursday and I am just beginning to recover and feel a little better, Christine who has also been ill with the same problem is two or three days ahead of me in the recovery period. So we make the decision, yes we can make the Dublin trip. So on Friday we start off by travelling down to Richard’s.

I have already arranged for us to pop into Derek’s near Melton Mowbray for a coffee and a shared scone on our way past. That’s the Derek who is solely responsible for me dislocating my elbow and not being able to eat sandwiches and sausage rolls in the middle lane of the M1 for about six weeks which resulted in me being late for every appointment. But it’s always good to catch up with good friends so we arrive ready for our scone.

We have a look round his new ‘small’ extension, Lord of the Manor is a phrase that comes to mind here and then we wander into the dinning room for our scone. With a flourish Derek removes a cloth from the table and what have we got? Only pork pie, flans, sausage rolls, ham sandwiches and pickled onions. That’s Melton Mowbray pork pie may I say. It’s good to know that some people never forget what I’m like. I eat very heartily. Some time later than we expected we are on our way to Richard’s, Christine having eaten sensible and me feeling very stuffed. How can you stop eating while there is still some pork pie and sausage roll left on the table. Thanks for that Derek It was great to catch up.

So it’s on to Richard’s and an evening meal prepared by Maureen. Fortunately a very delicious pasta and salad with a couple of bottles of wine is not too heavy which leaves room for a few pints down the pub a bit later. Saturday morning and our break is about to begin, bacon sandwiches for breakfast, no wall paper paste at Richard’s followed by lunch and then off to the airport. We arrive at our hotel somewhere about 5.00pm and I arrange to see Richard in the bar in ten minutes but knowing what he’s like I am down in five minutes intending to get a jump on him only to find him sitting at the bar halfway down his first Guinness wondering what was taking me so long. Things never change. I am only surprised that he hasn’t managed to fit in a visit to the gym or a quick swim yet. Not to mention the sauna or steam room.

A few Guinness later we call it a night, Sunday is spent round Dublin and the night finds us in O'Donoghue's bar with everyone else in Dublin. Some good Irish music along with a few more Guinness finishes off the day. Monday is St Patrick’s day and I think it’s fair to say that Dublin is full, we watch the parade, go to a ceilidh concert and drink more Guinness. Sometime later that evening Richard and I slip out of the hotel for a quick Guinness at the bar next door but somehow manage to finish up in Temple Bar and then back to O'Donoghue's for more Irish music, more Guinness and perhaps a kerbab on the way home in the early hours.

On Tuesday I just happen to mention to Christine that maybe I am not feeling at my best, I have been ill you remember. Well looking for sympathy there did not go down very well. Phrases like “What do expect being out to the early hours at your age?” and “You didn’t even have a coat on, do you think you are still a teenager?” followed by “I suppose you had too many of the Guinness again”. We are in Dublin of course we had too many of the Guinness, it’s why we’re here.

Christine then finishes off with “You were only just getting better, now you have put yourself back two weeks”. Now how she has suddenly become qualified to say how far my state of health has deteriorated I don’t know. I didn’t even know she was taking any doctors qualifications although I do remember she did a First Aid course at her last job but I thought that was just an excuse to get out of the office.

Tuesday is spent shopping, Christine likes Grafton Street and oh yes, nearly forgot, we just happen to fit in a visit to Jameson’s whiskey distillery and have a few samples. The only down side of the whiskey trip is that Christine drinks all her samples and has now developed a taste for a drop of the ‘hard stuff’. I hope this doesn’t mean that I will be expected to take my turn at driving home after nights out. It was quite convenient her just having the one glass of wine.

Wednesday we fly home and Thursday I am back in bed, only this time I am getting no sympathy at all. I need a Lemsip, I get it myself. I need some throat sweets, I get them myself. I keep reminding everyone that I am ill.

My head aches, I can’t stop coughing and I am laid in bed wondering why we brought back a Bodhrn, that’s an Irish drum to the uninformed for Joe or a Penny Whistle for Amber on which she can now play the first six notes of The Irish Rover and has been doing for the past three hours

Somebody must have some sympathy. It was, of course a very enjoyable trip for us both and as usual great to catch up with Richard and Maureen again. Looking forward to the next one.

Well, this more like it. Two and a bit years into retirement and as regular readers will know, the ‘I’ time experiences have been few and far between. But last Friday we all set sail for our ‘I’ time cruise. ‘We all’ being the Tuesday night crowd from the Cornerhouse, that’s little Kev, Dom, Ray, Paul, Pete, Mike, Rob, big Kev, David and me together with five guitars and a selection of shakers and harmonicas.

The Tuesday before we set sail we are all down the Cornerhouse planning the week-end cruise. It is the annual festival of Art, Music and Culture in Amsterdam which the Tuesday crowd have arranged for themselves for the past seventeen or so years. Some of these guys are now experts on the museums and galleries of Amsterdam, the Rijksmuseum, the Anne Frank House and the Van Gogh Museum are common place to the Tuesday crowd. The Stedelijk Museum of Modern Art and the Museum Rembrandthuis hold no fears for this crowd, the Museum Van Loon-A Home on the Canal and the Amsterdam Historical Museum feature as usual haunts.

I am looking forward to the weekend reflecting on the finer things in life, to appreciate art and culture to the full.

We board the ferry at seven o-clock and arrange to meet in Irish Bar at seven thirty. Obviously we are to start the evening with a little Irish culture. Well there is certainly guinness to drink so I suppose that counts. Presumably we will discuss art and culture over dinner. The pre-booked all you can eat buffet dinner is excellent except that as you may guess with my lack of will power in the food department I eat too much. But it’s not really my fault, it’s just that my brain translates ‘all you can eat’ into ‘you can eat it all’. Dinner with wine and liqueurs is followed by the odd beer, gin, whiskey etc. and finally a low key impromptu gig in the Piano Lounge. Whilst everyone else is drinking I, of course am left wandering what happened to the culture, must be tomorrow.

Breakfast comes too soon for some and even I am struggling with a second helping of bacon and egg and can only manage one slice of toast and marmalade. Then it’s off to Amsterdam.

On arrival we have coffee and a bun or maybe a cake in the usual coffee shop followed by some free time, for some it’s the flower market, for others it’s the music scene with the purchase of yet another guitar and yet another harmonica and a few more things to shake. The transport museum is the destination of some while Ray continues his in-depth study of the Oriental influence on local trade and commerce. The free time is soon over and we all meet for a few beers in a bar somewhere behind The Krasnapolsky hotel in Dam Square to discuss culture in more depth.

We visit another bar to discuss more culture before moving to a different bar to discuss even more culture. Fitted in between is some busking in Dam Square and a little shopping.

Then back to the ferry for our trip back home and as far as I can see culture hasn’t figured too strongly in the day. Am I disappointed? Not at all, it’s been a very good day.

Another large dinner with drinks is followed by a spell in the casino before settling in the piano bar again complete with guitars and shakers. The pianist takes the night off as Dom, Paul and Kev set the room alight with a display which overshadows the ferry boats usual concert performers, well that’s what Dom, Paul and Kev said anyway. It is certainly very entertaining, other passengers join in and requests are played, although I am pleased that Kev only manages the first fifteen verses of ‘Those were the days’ before his voice gives out........!

An excellent week-end away and I now understand that Amsterdam is only peripheral to the trip, it is the ferry trip out and back that makes the event what it is. Good company with plenty to eat, plenty to drink and plenty of good music. This is definitely what ‘I’ days should be about. Roll on next year.

The book is coming soon. I have the pre-publication copy for approval and when I have checked it all out it gets passed to Amazon and will take three to four weeks to get on their lists. I will keep you informed both here and on www.blackbookofretirement.com.

What follows the book who knows! The film rights maybe! But I am not sure who could play me, the natural choice being Steve McQueen but unfortunately he is still not around so I suppose it would have to Brad Pitt. Christine's easy, it would have to be Penelope Keith for anyone too young to remember her she was the posh next door neighbour in The Goode Life.

But for now it is just the book with apologies to all who get mentioned.