You will be aware from reading my Blog that I have just retired having spent the last ten years or so living in hotels Monday to Friday. Adjusting to life at home with Christine is proving troublesome for us both. I apparently have become Victor Meldew, although I know regular readers will all find that difficult to believe (cough).


But some things are difficult. Lets look at breakfast. For ten years or so, my morning routine was to go to breakfast at 7.00am saying 'tea and toast', 'tea and toast', 'tea and toast' but as soon as the waiter asked what I wanted it came out as 'two poached eggs on an English muffin with a little bacon and a sausage on the side' I couldn't help myself. So breakfast would be fruit juice, bowl of fruit, the eggs and bacon followed by toast and marmalade with a couple of cups of tea. Read the morning paper to catch up on all the sport then off to work at 7.45. Three quarters of an hour hour of peace and quiet getting ready for the day.


Now none of that seems to work at home. I ask for the eggs and bacon, etc. and Christine just ignores me. I have discovered she's not at her best first thing in a morning. As I am explaining that I will prepare my own, she puts my wallpaper paste on the table and tells me she can't stand the smell of bacon and sausage this early. I eat the wallpaper paste. There is always fruit juice and fresh fruit (Christine is big on them) but there's no paper. How can you have breakfast without the morning paper?


But as bad as all this sounds it's not the worst, it's not even the point of the story. The builders have just finished a major redevelopment of our house which has made the breakfast room part of the kitchen. You can now sit at the breakfast table and see into the kitchen but more importantly you can hear the kitchen.


First job of a morning is to load the washing machine and get that going. Why? By the time we are eating our wallpaper paste the spinner is throbbing and just when you think it can't get any worse it goes into 'Super Spin' at which point my head starts hurting. To make matters worse it is not unusual for the dishwasher to be on at the same time. Why?. So that's the washing machine on, the dishwasher on, LK - Today is on the TV talking about handbags, Christine is talking to me as if all is normal and I don't have a paper to read. It's a nightmare.



I ask Christine why we don't put the washer on when we go to bed 'You can't wash at night' she says 'what if it leaks'. I mention that I don't see how it's different than it leaking during the day seeing as we don't sit and watch it because of the noise. She looks at me as if I'm simple and continues to get ready to go for coffee with Vivien. I wander off to the shops in my slippers to get the paper feeling more like Victor Meldew every minute. Things must change!