So how's the house coming on? Well there is still plenty of decorating to be done and still the garden landscaping to complete but the final major hurdle to getting our house back to normal is the new kitchen.


We're at the point where we need to get this organised. We have considered the options and even listed some requirements in the Black Book so we know what we want. Now all we have to do is go down to MFI, give them £3k and they will come and fit a kitchen. Or so I thought.
Obviously I'm wrong. Of course, we need a kitchen design company.


I selected the first designer but he mentioned MDF and was quickly dispatched by Christine and never mentioned again. I quickly realised at this point that we will not be going to MFI and we will not be having MDF units. I don't think Christine likes initials.

Christine instead gets out the Fired Earth brochures alongside multiple magazines and glossy photographs and begins to tell me what’s required. I get a headache and disappear into the garden. I am finally, after 40 years, realising what Christine does, she starts with a price that is so over the top, like Fired Earth so that when we agree on a kitchen that is simply expensive I think I have won. Christine goes away smiling and calls another kitchen designer.


We are off to see the designer, Christine has the Black Book under her arm, she thinks she’s a Project Manager. I should be happy about this as I have been after her to use the Black Book ever since we retired but I can’t help thinking that she is just after my job.


So she has the Black Book open and she’s ticking off items, work tops – tick, cupboards - tick, doors (sanded) – tick, this is the first time I realise that ‘sanded’ means they come unpainted I have to do that myself afterwards, that’ll be another trip to Farrow & Ball no doubt. Then to the equipment, fridge, freezer, sink tick, tick, tick, (its like a time bomb!) and the cooker - tick. A Rangemaster with 6 rings, two ovens and a grill, there are only two of us but it’s a necessity I’m told. But when it comes to the taps I give in.


The designer gets out his brochures, Christine glances at them and then produces a Perrin & Crowe (Mayfair, London) brochure. Where has this come from? How does she know about these people? It appears that Christine had been talking to David (son in law in the Bahamas), who then got a friend in the business to drop some brochures round so I’m blaming him. Even the designer says ‘costs a mortgage’ but as usual Christine says “quality doesn’t come cheap, you only get what you pay for”. So MFI, MDF and £3k are things of the past.


But we finally agree on what we want and everyone is happy when Christine mentions about an insert for the cutlery draw and the designer says they normally provide a free plastic one but it won’t fit in our drawer. “Oh what a shame” say’s Christine “I really wanted a plastic one”. (Oh yeah!) “Better look at the made to measure wood ones”.

Of course they won’t be free.