I have gone on at length about spending four nights a week in hotels before I retired and how dreary this life became. To the people back in the office who occasionally got a night out at meetings etc. it seemed a great way to spend your life, but not when it's every week and you’re by yourself.


I was the sad person sat by myself on St. Valentines Night when the hotel restaurant was decekd out with Valentine Balloons and heart shaped menus. I was the sad person sat by myself when the office Christmas parties were taking place in November and December and everyone is getting drunk and having their annual fling.


But occasionally I got to stay in a hotel with a colleague, which usually brightened up the week. One such time was in a hotel in Tarvin, with Julian, an IS guru who knows everything about anything to do with computer systems and with whom I have worked to produce some excellent systems. In fact Julian has, over the years, come up with some of my best ideas. But to the point…


I arrive late as usual so it’s a quick gym, swim and steam and then completely knackered it’s down to the bar to meet Julian. Back in February in session five I talked about hotel breakfasts and how ‘tea and toast’ always turned into ‘full breakfasts’ the same thing happened on a night. Knowing I would probably have a couple of extra drinks when I was with a colleague I would walk into the bar saying to myself ‘bottle of water’, ‘bottle of water’ walk up the bar ‘bottle of water’. But it always came out as “Bottle of Becks please” - “would you like a glass with that sir” and another night would start. It happened every time, I don’t know why. But I still haven’t got to the point…


We are the only people having dinner that night and after our starter and main course, which were very nice, the maitre’d comes over to ask about desserts. Now it is important to know at this point that Julian is 20 something and I of course am not. So the guy is now asking us about something for ‘afters’ and pointing to the waitress who has now moved closer to our table.
I am waiting for her to come over so that I can order my pudding when Julian asks “how much”. The guy is now quoting prices that are in my opinion quite high for Sticky Toffee Pudding or for that matter even for Cheese and Biscuits. I am now very confused particularly when Julian kicks me under the table and says “we're out of here”. I grumble that I haven’t had my pudding yet but he is out the door.


We adjourn to the bar where Julian explains that the guy and the waitress was doing a bit of moonlighting and the services being offered probably couldn't be charged to your room. How did he know that and I didn’t? That was the only time in all my nights away that I had that sort of offer but then again I didn’t even know I had an offer so had it happened before?



There was the time in a posh hotel outside Grantham that as I walked out of the shower a young girl walked into my room saying “can I turn your bed down now sir” which she did without another glance at me. I just assume this is what happens in posh hotels…..