A few years ago, before retirement, Richard and I ran a team of some twenty odd project people travelling around the country implementing a new Hand Held Computer System to over 2000 people.


Just as a matter of interest, if anyone out there needs someone to manage a major implementation, I am available, expensive, but available.


In the course of putting that team together we came across some strange people, most of them from London - but what would you expect?


Two southerners, Jim and John we actually took into our team but they of course were not the strange ones, although John……! But one guy who turned up for an interview thought the best way of getting a job was to explain at length his hobby - knife collecting. He had a very large collection of various sized knives and explained the use, shape and size of some of them. We didn’t employ him but with hindsight the resistance we experienced to the new system may not have been as vociferous if Jim Bowie had been in each depot.


Then there was the 'Cabbage Man'. He already worked in one of our depots in London and part of his role was to take cash over the counter. I think he was trying to stress his honesty but spent the whole interview letting us know that he treated pound coins like cabbages. When he was counting money he pretended it was cabbages, he could see no difference between pound coins and cabbages - we got a little bored with him quite quickly. I hope he never had to do any cooking at home. At least when Christine cooks cabbage we get cabbage (is cabbage worse than wallpaper paste – probably), who knows what he would cook.


Another guy who already worked for us did some driving between the London depots. As we progressed we needed someone to drive from Central London to Stoke–on–Trent once a week and this guy was the obvious choice so we called him in. We mention driving and Stoke and he looks at us bewildered, not sure he can do that. It turns out this guy, who was not the youngest person we had met had never driven or even ventured outside the M25 in his life. He had never been out of London, had no idea of how to get to Stoke or even if he could, in fact, drive on motorways. But to give him his due we sent someone with him on the first day and after that he was up and away. Rumour has it that now he had become a man of the world he once took his wife north of Watford for a day trip.


But talking of odd people they don’t all come from the south.
Some of them are Scousers (Liverpool’s a story of its own, that may be next week). This guy had nothing to do with our team but at one point I helped out with a Franchise Training program. Groups would come from various parts of the country to Wakefield and spend three nights in a hotel and have training sessions during the day.

So I’m there one morning and Robbie doesn’t show. When the story comes out, it appears that he had been down the local disco the night before and considering he’s from Liverpool you may be surprised to know he didn’t have too much to drink although he was wearing pink disco shorts! It was the eighties!
On his way back he was peckish and picked up a takeaway to have in his room. Now not wanting to walk through reception with a takeaway, he placed it on his outside windowsill and went to his room, opened the window and it’s not there. Got the wrong room hadn’t he, it’s outside next doors window so out the window, picks his takeaway from next door but now his own window has shut. He is now trying to break into his own room still with his take-away in his hand when the police arrive.

They listened to his story say “He’s from Liverpool you know” and returned him to the hotel. The group enjoyed the hotel CCTV tape when I put it on a big screen.


There’s nothing as strange as folk. Good job I’m normal.