So this is it. Alex, David and Joe and Amber the grandchildren arrive today. We have had this day as the deadline for our project to complete the refurbishment and re-decoration of the cottage following the major changes completed over the winter. When we arrived back from our prolonged stay with them in The Bahamas following my retirement we had ten weeks to turn a building site into a cottage fit for us all to live in.


Well, we failed, just by a few days but still we failed. As of today we have no access to the kitchen, new units not complete yet. No access to the breakfast room, floor tiles still being laid and no access to the dining room which is full of everything from the other rooms. All will be completed by Friday but..... So near yet so disappointing.


We wanted the family to walk in and look round the cottage saying ooohhhhs and aaaahhhs in all the right places but on a positive note we have enough sitting areas complete and all bedrooms are finished so, all in all, not too bad. We just can’t cook anything.


I explain to Joe and Amber that for the first couple of nights Grandma can’t cook any meals. “Great” came the reply “can we go down the pub”. See! It’s not just me. They remember Christine’s healthy meals and can’t wait to eat out. I’m with them so down the pub it is.


Having spent the past ten years or so as a project manager it is important that if a deadline is missed or a budget exceeded that the blame falls elsewhere. Having someone in the background to take the blame is as important as being able to take credit for other peoples good ideas. Any comments Fred!


So with this in mind I look around at the staff available to blame for missing the deadline and not having things ready. Whilst at work this was easy because there are lots of different people and of course when all else fails you can blame the IS department, it’s standard practice. But being at home there is Christine and me and it obviously isn’t my fault, so it must be...! But she is learning the inticacies of project management as she very quickly passed the blame onto Alex for setting the deadline too early.


I explain the reasons we missed the deadline to Christine and point out that had we worked to the Microsoft Project Plan and used the Black Book there is no doubt that we would have achieved our goal. I explained that decisions on floor tiles and kitchen layouts should have been made earlier and were more important in the critical path than cushions and finishing touches for the ‘outside room’.


Well I think it must be the stress of keeping on top of the tile dust and generally getting ready for Alex and the family to arrive but I have never, in 40 odd years, heard such language and that includes Harry in Liverpool. To sum up her comments Christine seems to think I am being unreasonable in my assessment of the situation.


Maybe I should have been more careful with my timing. Christine was washing the floor tiles in the garden room for the second time today to get rid of the dust caused by the floor tiler when I mentioned the Black Book. I dodged the first floor cloth but she followed it quickly with a second which had a ‘bend’ on it that Beckham would have proud of. It was very wet and got me on the left ear.


I suggest there is simply no reasoning with women and at that point Christine packs up, gets changed and goes for coffee with her friend Vivien.


I assume she’s coming back. Is it me?