Packing! How can packing to go on holiday be so stressful, between them Christine and Virgin Atlantic caused me more stress than I have had since I retired getting on for ten months ago.


First of all we had to establish what you can and can’t take on the plane as hand luggage and what size and weight that bag could be. OK I am happy to have this hassle as I would much sooner be safe than sorry, so with that established we now know what items have to go in the cases and not in hand luggage.


So Christine starts to pack her case, 32kg weight allowance should be no problem as of course ‘she has nothing to wear’ so I don’t know what she will actually pack in her case.


Mind you speaking of ‘nothing to wear’, how she has ‘nothing to wear’ is beyond me when she has two double wardrobes in her own dressing room, plus the wardrobes in the other bedrooms when the family is not with us. That’s a double wardrobe in Amber’s room, a double wardrobe in Alex and David’s room plus numerous chest-of- drawers and that’s only for the clothes she wears this season. If it’s summer her winter clothes are stored away and vice versa.


But it’s always the same, if we are going out for dinner ‘I have nothing to wear’, if we are going out to a concert ‘nothing to wear’, when we went to the Lakes the other week we had to go shopping first because she has ‘nothing to wear’. So packing the case will obviously not be a problem.


I note that the wardrobes are being emptied and the contents hung up round the bed being prepared for the case, there seems to be a lot for someone with ‘nothing to wear’. The case begins to fill up, I notice that all eight pairs of shoes are struggling to get in but I keep quiet. The four handbags and two beach bags also seem to be causing a problem but I still keep quiet. And then the question is asked “any room in your case for a few things”.


Now my case already has the Simpsons comics for Joe, the Animals and You comics for Amber, the tin of coffee for Dave and the Lady Grey tea bags for Alex to say nothing of six books, Joe’s birthday presents, cables for the laptop, camera, Ipod and phone plus shortbread biscuits for Amber and Ginger Nut biscuits for Joe. So fitting in the shoes and handbags will of course not be a problem. The only problem will be if I actually want to take any clothes.


So I pack my pair of shorts, two T-shirts and a pair of sandals and both cases are full, shut and locked. Packing complete so I decide to take up Virgin on their on-line check-in facility during which I notice that the weight limit has been reduced from 32kgs to 23kgs per case. That’s nine kilos we have to lose from each case. Christine is now discarding the odd pair of trousers and a T-shirt in the hope they weigh the nine kilos.


We have the bathroom scales in the middle of the room and I have weighed myself and then I pick up the case and weigh myself again holding the case to get the weight of the case, well I have been on and off these scales at least ten times while she is trying to discard the things she least wants with her. She now asks if I really need to take my sandals!


In between all this I am looking at the Virgin web site. There seems to be some confusion between the web site and the e-mails I received from Virgin, if you are a posh person in posh seats you can take up to 32 kgs but if you are a poor economy person like us pensioners you can only take 23kgs but it seems you may each be able to take two cases weighing 23kgs. I forget about technology and ring them and they confirm we can take two cases each, both weighing up to 23kgs. Christine’s face suddenly lights up and I am sent to the shed to bring in another case.


Now of course we have a different problem, not only can all the discarded clothes go in the new suitcase but we have room for a lot more. Of course we can’t possible need anything else but Christine’s logic is that if the case isn’t full then when we pick it up everything will scrunch up at the bottom. She is now pulling more things out of the wardrobes to fill the case up. The fact that I will now have my own plus the extra case to drag behind me seems to be no problem at all.


We have finally finished, it has taken us four hours to pack our cases. I am exhausted from shutting the cases, getting on and off the scales then opening the cases and starting again. But Christine now has everything she needs for a few weeks in the Bahamas confident that whatever the occasion we get an invite to she will ‘have nothing to wear’