I have said many times that I don’t understand woman they are just not logical. But to be more specific what I really mean is I don’t understand Christine. It used to be much easier. That was when I worked away from home five days a week and only saw Christine on a week end.


In those days, pre retirement, it was a quick phone call from the car each night on my way to next hotel to catch up with developments at home. ‘How are you doing’, ‘Has Alex rung’, ‘How’s the cat’, ‘What are you having for tea’, ‘Must go now the football coming on the radio’ type of thing. Life was always hectic in those days, was I going in the hotel pool, using the gym, was it to a rump or a fillet, with chips or salad, what about starters, do I want a pudding or just cheese so many decisions, so many things to think about and never enough time for calls back home.


But the point is that when I got home on a week end we did ‘We’ things for two days and then off to work again. Life was not a problem. Christine seemed happy with things too, it was not as if she sat in every night waiting for my calls in fact on the odd occasions that I managed to get home during the week it was not unusual for her to be out for a meal or something with her friends.


So where does the not understanding come in? Shopping! That’s where.


For the twelve years or so that I worked away we never went shopping but now it’s become a ‘We’ thing that seems to be taking over my life. And when I say shopping I mean Shopping with capital S. All day shopping! Christine may well have always done this but of course I wouldn’t have known about it so it would not have been a issue.


Yesterday was Christine’s birthday, I think she claims this is fifty one but we have both lost track now, but anyway what does she want to do? Go to York shopping that’s what. If you are keeping up you will know I spent a full day at the Meadowhall shopping centre at Sheffield last week and now it’s to be a day in York.


I mention this to Christine who tells me that this is different, this is just a day out round the shops, nice lunch, buy a birthday present and then home for tea. It is her birthday so whatever she wants is OK and we set off.


After morning coffee in Mulberry Hall Christine decides to take in the rest shop which is set in a beautiful medieval building. I know how long this will take and wander off looking for a bookstore or somewhere to pass an hour or so. We eventually visit a few more shops and then in to Hobbs, one of Christine’s favourite clothes shops.


Now Hobbs have got it right, they understand the principle of keeping husbands out of the way while their wives spend the dosh. Comfy settees and arm chairs along with magazines and the morning papers are arranged down the end of the shop near the changing rooms where the husbands gather and pass commiserations to each other. ‘Three hours we’ve been out’, ‘Second time this week’ etc are the usual types of comments but the guy who said he’d been sitting here since yesterday was, I think, exaggerating, but who knows.


Christine keeps popping out of the changing rooms wearing different tops, skirts, jumpers, trousers and maybe a jacket and my role is to try and guess what she wants me to say. Is she happy with what she has on because if she is I want to agree with her, that way we can move on and get to the end of the selection process more quickly. If I say I like something she is not sure of then its back to thinking and more ‘trying on’ and the whole process starts again.


Eventually all the decisions are made, selections have been finalised and the credit card has taken another large hit but we have finished, birthday presents have been bought. Or apparently not and this is where the not understanding woman bit comes in.


It all started a few weeks ago Christine explains. The clothes she has just bought can’t be her birthday present because they are just replacing the one’s she bought at M&S on our trip to Meadowhall last week which she returned after trying them on.


I then naturally mention that the clothes from M&S must have been her birthday present only to be informed that there were replacing things she had ordered on-line from Artigiano and subsequently returned after trying them on.


Beginning to realise I was on a loosing streak I ask if the clothes from Artigiano where her birthday present, “How can they be” says Christine “I haven’t got them, I sent them back”. With that she looses interest in this conversation and takes her Hobbs bag and joins the queue for Betty’s for lunch.


I have just been informed by Christine that the House of Fraser in Hull is having a 25% off day on Thursday and this would be a good place to look for a something to compliment the handbag I have bought her for her birthday! What handbag? I am in the middle of saying that I don’t know anything about a handbag as Christine appears with a box marked Burberry.com that has apparently just been delivered. Anyone out there got a job that an ageing ex project manager can do.