Yesterday we decided to have a day out. To put down the paint brushes, put away the garden spade, forget the new patio at the back of the house, leave the fence posts that need renewing and have a day out. Christine also decided she needed a break from her difficult tasks of ‘room dressings’ and plant potting in her greenhouse. So we sit down over early morning breakfast, wall paper paste of course, to decide where to go.


Maybe a trip up to the Dales have lunch at the Sandpiper Inn in Leyburn followed by a short walk, fish and chips on the way home and a pint down the village pub to finish off or maybe a trip to Castle Howard< , or Burton Constable Hall or even Burton Agnes Hall and spend some time wandering around the gardens. But I can tell none of these are fitting the bill as far as Christine is concerned until I say the magic words John Lewis.


I’m sure it comes as no surprise to regular readers that Christine likes shopping and John Lewis is the ultimate shopping experience for her, for one thing we don’t have one anywhere near us so visits to John Lewis are few and far between. Very quickly we agree on a trip to the Trafford Centre in Manchester and Christine is now hurriedly finishing her breakfast like a cat that got the cream. The new Pink (Black) Book is on the table and plans are being made and measurements checked, fabric for curtains is listed as are curtain poles and mirrors not to mention additions to the wardrobe required for our next trip to Barcelona.


I do ask the question again of why more outfits are required for Barcelona this summer when we spent five months of last year in the Bahamas obviously with the right clothes for hot weather. “Different culture” Christine says again as if it answers the question and carries on with her lists in the Black Book. She is obviously excited so I let it pass and carry on with my wallpaper paste.


So at 8.00am we are on the road, off to the Trafford Centre, Terry Wogan is on the radio and we are sat in a traffic queue on the motorway. I suddenly get a flash back, all I need now is a coffee ‘to go’ from a service station, a sausage roll and 80 miles an hour in the middle lane and I could be back at work. But of course sausage rolls are a thing of the past, only healthy food now with Christine in charge of recipes At 10.00am we arrive at John Lewis.


Morning coffee comes and goes as does lunch but at six o’clock in the evening Christine is still going strong in John Lewis. She has made very quick ventures to M&S and Selfridges but virtually all day has been in John Lewis. When we finally get back together I am surprised she has no bags to show for her day out but I very quickly realise that all her purchases have been sent to the customer ‘collect by car’ point, so our bank balance is now a few pounds lighter but we have some more ‘room dressings’ to say nothing of the necessary new outfits.


So that’s it we can go home now eight hours in the same shop must be enough for anyone but no, there is one problem they didn’t have everything we apparently needed but they have been reserved for us at the John Lewis shop in Cheadle. We are now sitting on another motorway in another queue looking for the Cheadle Royal Shopping Centre. When we find the store Christine is very excited as this is even bigger that the last John Lewis so not only do we collect the reserved items we spend the next hour looking around this store at the same things as we looked at in the other store only there are more of them in here.


We finally get home at 10 o’clock at night, that’s fourteen hours after we left this morning. Christine has had a brilliant day and is now shopped out and in need of rest. As I pore myself a gin and tonic I wonder if staying at home and painting wouldn’t have been more restful. But, as Christine reminds me often, she deserves a few treats for having to live with Victor Meldrew. I pore myself another gin and turn on the TV to watch the highlights of England losing another World Cup Cricket match.