So what was the big event of last week in Beverley? The opening of Marks & Spencer’s new Simply Food store that’s what. Now I don’t know if that’s a sad indictment of the level of excitement in Beverley as a whole or just the fact that us pensioners don’t get out a lot.


It opened on Friday morning at 10am whilst anyone with a purpose in life is busy beavering away at work but we are here listening to the countdown to the opening. That’s right there is a countdown followed by a crush to get in. As the man behind me said “It’s a shop, why all the fuss” and of course the fuss was because we all turned up. There would have been no countdown had no one turned up, the traffic wouldn’t have been stopped nor the pedestrian precinct blocked by a mass of pensioners and mothers with prams. But it's Friday morning, we don't have a job to keep us busy so this passes as entertainment.


Naturally me being my normal self didn’t much care about a new M&S Simply Food store, I was only there for the free Oudinot Champagne and perhaps the odd freebie food sample. Christine decided it was too early in the morning for champagne so I had her glass and then quickly established that if I passed the free champagne counter and then turned left passed the pork pies and then left again passed the sausage rolls I could join the queue again for another champagne having had a pork pie and sausage roll on the way.


It’s 10am in the morning and I have unlimited access to champagne, sausage rolls and pork pies, what more do I want. Well some of the treacle tart and scones being offered wouldn’t go amiss so I had to change my route which took me a little longer to get back to the champagne but you can’t have everything.


Now just when I thought I was cleverer than the average visitor to the new store I realised, just as I was lining up for my fourth glass that the guy behind me was the guy outside grumbling about it being only a shop and he claimed he was on his fifth but hadn’t had any treacle tart. It was noticeable that he had now stopped grumbling as he headed off in the direction of the treacle tart balancing yet another glass of champagne.


So sitting in the Cafe Revive in M&S, with a coffee and a yet another final glass of champagne I wonder what has happened to Christine and realise that as well as food they have a clothes department she could be some time yet.


I settle down with my coffee, stuffed with pork pie and sausage roll and contemplate it’s been a while since I was last over the limit for driving before midday. Maybe the last time would have been whilst at work and then it would have been from the drink the night before.




Who say’s life as a pensioner is dull. Too much to drink before lunch time, can’t be bad, so much for the no drink till after the school bus rule.