When I retired and the company car was confiscated we made a decision to see if we could manage with just one car, the Clio which was in fact Christine’s, a fact she is never been slow to point out.. But all in all we have had no problem having just the one car, possibly because we have become more of a ‘we’ that I anticipated at the beginning of retirement.


What confirms this as the correct decision is the antics of Pam and Keith, a couple of friends from up the village. They are also retired pensioners who have been known to also share a scone in Nero’s Coffee Bar, but unlike us have decided they need more than one car, three in fact. Only two people but three cars!


One of the cars is a sporty little two seater so maybe they do need two other cars, one each to use on days when the aches and pains of older life prevent access to a car six inches off the ground. But having three cars does seem to initiate a logistical nightmare.


A week or so ago I am sitting in the garden room contemplating what I have been doing for the past few months when Keith arrives. He needs a lift to Beverley Westwood to pick up one of their cars. Pam is out at golf in one, Keith is using another and one is parked on Beverley Westwood! How or why the third car comes to be abandoned on the Westwood never does become clear to me, all I know is it takes a fourth car, mine or if Christine is reading this hers, to get all their cars back to the correct place. Our one car is always with us in the correct place, no problem. But this really is not the point of this article.


Then on Friday evening we are once again sitting in the garden room when Pam arrives for a gin and tonic, just as I’m explaining that it’s too early the school bus goes by and I tell her it’s OK now she can have a drink. She gives me the sort of look that I usually get from Christine when she is about to ignore whatever it is I have said. I get Pam and Christine a G&T and just because it would be rude not to, I have one myself. We are just having our drinks when Keith arrives being given a lift home by Patrick a friend from the next village.


So there we have it again three cars and a fourth, this time it's Pat's car being used because they now have two cars in the wrong place. Keith has a beer and as it would be rude not to, I have one with him. Pat meanwhile is now driving Pam to wherever to pick up one of the missing cars before coming back for a beer. Naturally I have another beer when Pat arrives back to keep him company.


Following phone calls to a garage their third car is delivered to our cottage while we are all having yet another drink. They now have all three cars outside our cottage but only two of them to drive them. Our one car is of course on the drive where we would expect it to be. But even this isn’t the point of the article.


The point is the meat pies. Christine has decided that she doesn’t want to cook and wants something ‘quick and easy’ and much to my surprise decides we will have meat pies. Now as I have said before the home made meat pies from The Farm Shop in Crofts Nursery in Tickton are the best in the world, there can not be a pie any better than these wherever you are and couple them with the cartons of gravy with the lumps of meat and you have a meal fit for any occasion.


So it is to be meat pies and to my even greater surprise we are to have home made oven roasted chips with them. What more could anyone want for tea. All we need to do now is walk round to Pam and Keith’s with whatever they want out of their cars as we have all had too much to drink and drink. As I walk back home I am looking forward to the pie and chips that will be waiting.


I pour myself another beer because what else would you have with pie and chips and sit down at the table. I have my knife and fork in hand as Christine puts the plate in front of me.... vegetables and pasta.... courgettes, red and yellow peppers, mushrooms and other unrecognisable items. Not a pie or chip in sight.


I notice at this point that Christine is having yet another gin and when I enquire about the pie she simply suggests that the chips where a step too far and the vegetable dish was in the fridge and just needed heating up. I look out of the window and see Pam and Keith’s three cars parked outside our cottage, all now in the wrong place and the cause of me missing my meat pie. I’m glad we have only one car, anymore seems a nightmare!