How can you plan anything when women are involved, or maybe it is just that I go about things in the wrong way? Here I am, sitting in the garden room with the Black Book on my knee looking at jobs that need completing. Organised, you see, I have a list and I know what has to be done so all I need now is to know how long I have got. It’s easy, in the Black Book are some small jobs and some big jobs so all I need to do is select the right job for the time available and I am up and running.


It’s three o’clock in the afternoon so maybe I don’t want to start a large job but maybe a medium task can be completed before teatime (or evening dinner if you are posh) but it all depends on when tea will be ready.


So I set off to find Christine, she is in the dining room putting up Christmas decorations. Very tasteful decorations I must add, we are looking very discretely Christmassy at the moment. Nothing at all to do with me of course, my contribution was to go in the loft and find all the decorations collected over the past years. I do in fact start to help Christine by putting twinkling fairy lights around each of the windows that look out onto Main Street so that the villagers passing by can see that we were getting into Christmas. These are immediately removed as soon as she walks into the room to be replaced by a single wicker ball in each window. The balls, which have faded lights inside them were collected on one of our trips to Holland and do indeed look less ‘in your face’ and more chic than the twinkling lights I had at first put round the windows. I still didn’t really see anything wrong with the twinkling fairy lights but it seems they are not to be used, I wonder what they look like round the window in my shed, must give them a try.


This is the first Christmas I have been at home to watch the Christmas decorations going up and I quickly realise that this is another work of art similar to ‘dressing’ rooms. As the Christmas tree gets decorated and baubles and candles and Holly and Ivy appear on mantle pieces and window ledges I once again appreciate how much work Christine does that I have simply taken for granted in the past whilst working away from home. But that’s enough of that; it’s not even the point of the story.


Planning, that’s the point. How much time have I got left this afternoon and which job can I complete. So I ask the question “When will tea be ready, dear”, “When the potatoes are cooked” says Christine. When the potatoes are cooked, what sort of answer is that? Are we having baked or roasted? Maybe it’s chips but not likely, could be mashed or boiled. It tells me nothing.


“When do you think they will be ready” I ask only to be told “It depends when I put them in” and she carries on putting more Christmas decorations in the dining room. Is it me!


If this was just a one off then I might be able to cope but when I think about it I realise that this sought of answer is pretty standard. “When are we going to Beverley” I ask “When I have finished the ironing” says Christine. What help is that? Doesn’t she know I am trying to plan jobs from the Black Book? “How long will you be in Beverley” seems a simple question? “Depends where I park” comes the answer.


Christine wants a day shopping in York. “What time do you want to set off” I ask. “I just want to tidy round first”. It’s always the same. Maybe she has taken a leaf from the Project Managers handbook, never commit yourself to a deadline unless you have someone else to blame as it all goes wrong.


I don’t know what type of potatoes we are having or if in fact they have even reached the oven yet. So planning the next job seems too difficult. As I walk back to the garden room I notice the school bus go by. I open another bottle of wine, pick up the Ken Follett book I am currently reading and assume that tea will come along at some point. Probably after she has finished the Christmas decorations.