Here we are again, sitting in the garden room with the rain falling and the temperature well below where it should be but are we bothered, certainly not, we are watching people going off to work while we plan our next trip to Barcelona. It is that time again. We are off once again to stay with Alex and the family in Barcelona for a few weeks.


The insurance company has been notified and the claim form is in the post just in case we need it although we got through our last visit with no insurance claim and no hospital visits. So here’s hoping!


So the weather can do what it wants for the next few weeks, our biggest problem will be trying to keep cool and I expect cold beers and a swimming pool to help in that department. Of course there will be the usual problems before we set off, shopping trips will be needed as Christine will have nothing to wear in a hot climate although this will be our fourth trip to Barcelona this year and that following five months in the Bahamas last year but I am confident that the shopping trip will be needed.


Then there is the packing of the suitcases. It’s a given fact that all Christine clothes will not fit in her suitcase and she will expect the rest to go in mine, and even then when I come to weigh the cases hers will be overweight. Eventually by my leaving all but a couple of T-shirts and a pair of shorts at home we will be under weight and ready to go.


But even I, although having lived with Christine for over forty years, which by the way seems a little odd as she still claims to be only fifty one, wasn’t ready for the trip to Boots the Chemist to stock up on skin care products for the hot weather. Alex had rung to say the mosquitoes had arrived which brought back memories for Christine of the Bahamas and the mosquitoes the size of bumble bees. So off we went to buy supplies for Christine to safeguard herself against any forthcoming attacks by anything less than a Kamikaze Pilot.


First it’s the plug in gadget with the in liquid repellent to plug in our bedroom so they can’t get us on a night, we get two of those, “can’t be too careful” says Christine so that’s £11 gone. Then we see a bottle of something to rub on the skin to get all day protection from any kind of insect bites, that’s an amazing £12 but as Christine always says “you only get what you pay for, if it’s cheap it won’t work”. Cheap, I mumble, she doesn’t know the meaning of the word. So we are now set for the night and the day so that’s it we can go..... no we can’t there is more.


We now spot a device for sucking poison out of a bite after the mosquito has struck, we have just spent £23 making sure they don’t bite but now we spent another £14 just in case they do, “better safe than sorry” says Christine as the device is added to the ever growing number of products in the shopping basket. This must be it, we must have done, but not quite we see some cream to rub on the bite, presumably after the poison has been sucked out, to reduce the irritation, so that’s another £4 gone, but now we can go .......


Except that on the way to the till we spot some new fangled sun screen lotion that only needs to be applied once a day which is obviously something we just have to have and that’s a whopping £19. How can sun tan lotion cost £19. I point out the slippery oily bottle for £3.20 which just produces the usually look as she proceeds to the till. So Christine is now protected against anything which may be inclined to bite her at any time of the night and day. Oh yes, we are also £60 lighter in the wallet.


As I have never used sun cream in my life, nor have I ever been bitten by a mosquito I just happen to mention that she has a high maintenance value and with that she is off shopping for whatever clothes she requires for the trip.


To finish off the day when we arrive home Christine gets a phone call from a friend who tells her she needs to take some anti something or other tablets which stops the mosquitoes coming near you in the first place. We will be back at Boots in the morning.


Meanwhile I just wonder, with all the portions, lotions and tablets to take, plug in or rub on we might be happy with the company of a mosquito as I can’t see anyone else coming anywhere near us.

You may remember that the major extension and refurbishment of our cottage completed shortly after I retired left our garden looking like a building site. In fact that’s exactly what is was but due to Christine’s sense of design and natural talent to make anything look good we completed the garden renovation up to the back of the cottage some months ago. What is left is the bottom of the garden beyond the cottage that now needs a complete make over.


Now just because I have laid York Stone paving to the ‘room in the garden’ and the terrace down past the ‘garden room’ Christine obviously thinks I like doing it and has decided we need a further York Stone terrace at the back of the house.


I have previously commented on the effort involved in just getting this stone to our garden and I can now say that the effort involved in laying it was even greater. But that’s it, after we lay the new lawn there will be no more garden left to pave even if we wanted to. Just to make sure I mention to Christine that any further requests for terraces, patios or paving in general will probably lead to one of us being underneath it and leave her to ponder on which of us that will be.





But as you can see this pile of random stone has been transformed into this excellent patio and walled area ready for a lawn. To do this takes team work and one of the team needs to be able to envisage the end product and one of the team needs to be able to move rocks and mix cement, perhaps you can guess who is who in our team.





The trouble is Christine only sees the end product as we go along. She believes the right way to get the required result is to let things evolve. She starts with a broad idea of what she wants and then refines it as we go, this of course means that some things are completed only to be not quite what’s required and need changing. Not a problem for the designer but quite a problem for the person whose arms are once again not functioning and whose back and knees are in need of treatment. But the end product is always exception so what can I say.


The patio is now finished, the paths are finished and all that is required is the lawn, Christine has started ‘dressing’ the patio with chairs, tables, pots and plants and so we decided to christen the patio by opening a bottle of wine. Not a thing I am averse to.


As we sit in our chairs, Christine in her designer ‘steamer’ with detachable footrest and me in my wooden chair from B&Q drinking a glass of quite passable Chablis Christine mentions there is a draft. We are outside on a patio, the light breeze is blowing across the garden but Christine is sat in a draft. She is sitting in her steamer against the Church wall and there is a gap of about six inches to our cottage wall and she claims a draft is blowing through the gap. How can you have a draft we are outside it doesn’t make sense.


I am now trying to find something that can fill a six inch gap four feet high that just happens to be around the garden. The problem is that even if I find something it will probably be the wrong colour or not match in with the cottage brickwork or the Church wall. I’ll probably have to move the whole patio six inches to the left! Is there any Chablis left or do I need another bottle?

When I retired and the company car was confiscated we made a decision to see if we could manage with just one car, the Clio which was in fact Christine’s, a fact she is never been slow to point out.. But all in all we have had no problem having just the one car, possibly because we have become more of a ‘we’ that I anticipated at the beginning of retirement.


What confirms this as the correct decision is the antics of Pam and Keith, a couple of friends from up the village. They are also retired pensioners who have been known to also share a scone in Nero’s Coffee Bar, but unlike us have decided they need more than one car, three in fact. Only two people but three cars!


One of the cars is a sporty little two seater so maybe they do need two other cars, one each to use on days when the aches and pains of older life prevent access to a car six inches off the ground. But having three cars does seem to initiate a logistical nightmare.


A week or so ago I am sitting in the garden room contemplating what I have been doing for the past few months when Keith arrives. He needs a lift to Beverley Westwood to pick up one of their cars. Pam is out at golf in one, Keith is using another and one is parked on Beverley Westwood! How or why the third car comes to be abandoned on the Westwood never does become clear to me, all I know is it takes a fourth car, mine or if Christine is reading this hers, to get all their cars back to the correct place. Our one car is always with us in the correct place, no problem. But this really is not the point of this article.


Then on Friday evening we are once again sitting in the garden room when Pam arrives for a gin and tonic, just as I’m explaining that it’s too early the school bus goes by and I tell her it’s OK now she can have a drink. She gives me the sort of look that I usually get from Christine when she is about to ignore whatever it is I have said. I get Pam and Christine a G&T and just because it would be rude not to, I have one myself. We are just having our drinks when Keith arrives being given a lift home by Patrick a friend from the next village.


So there we have it again three cars and a fourth, this time it's Pat's car being used because they now have two cars in the wrong place. Keith has a beer and as it would be rude not to, I have one with him. Pat meanwhile is now driving Pam to wherever to pick up one of the missing cars before coming back for a beer. Naturally I have another beer when Pat arrives back to keep him company.


Following phone calls to a garage their third car is delivered to our cottage while we are all having yet another drink. They now have all three cars outside our cottage but only two of them to drive them. Our one car is of course on the drive where we would expect it to be. But even this isn’t the point of the article.


The point is the meat pies. Christine has decided that she doesn’t want to cook and wants something ‘quick and easy’ and much to my surprise decides we will have meat pies. Now as I have said before the home made meat pies from The Farm Shop in Crofts Nursery in Tickton are the best in the world, there can not be a pie any better than these wherever you are and couple them with the cartons of gravy with the lumps of meat and you have a meal fit for any occasion.


So it is to be meat pies and to my even greater surprise we are to have home made oven roasted chips with them. What more could anyone want for tea. All we need to do now is walk round to Pam and Keith’s with whatever they want out of their cars as we have all had too much to drink and drink. As I walk back home I am looking forward to the pie and chips that will be waiting.


I pour myself another beer because what else would you have with pie and chips and sit down at the table. I have my knife and fork in hand as Christine puts the plate in front of me.... vegetables and pasta.... courgettes, red and yellow peppers, mushrooms and other unrecognisable items. Not a pie or chip in sight.


I notice at this point that Christine is having yet another gin and when I enquire about the pie she simply suggests that the chips where a step too far and the vegetable dish was in the fridge and just needed heating up. I look out of the window and see Pam and Keith’s three cars parked outside our cottage, all now in the wrong place and the cause of me missing my meat pie. I’m glad we have only one car, anymore seems a nightmare!

It’s Monday morning again and surprise, surprise the sun is shining and I’m sitting in the garden room as I like to do on a Monday watching the queue of traffic leaving the village as everyone beavers off to work. I am just having my second cup of tea of the day with a slice of thick toast with lashings of marmalade and thinking that just maybe life’s not too bad.


The only down side of the day so far is the wall paper paste which Christine sees as the healthy alternative to the poached egg with bacon on the side and perhaps a sausage or two that I used to have every morning when living in hotels whilst at work.


But it starts me thinking about work and the realisation that I have been retired now for eighteen months and like everyone else I know who has retired I wonder where the time has gone. I start looking back to see what we have done over the past eighteen months and the first thing that comes to mind is that I spend a lot of time sitting in the garden room thinking about what have we done, usually with a glass of something to hand.


So to review the period since retirement, the first three months were spent staying with Alex and Dave and the grandkids in the Bahamas which was not too bad a start to retirement. It was during that time, thanks to Kylie Minogue not being interested in my hobbies that Retirement Blog was initiated and the first tentative articles posted. This seems a good time to put the picture up again.





It didn’t last very long on the wall in the shower room though, Christine said it spoiled the ambience. Can’t see it myself but never mind.


We came home to start the major project of putting our cottage back together following the completion of a major extension and refurbishment which affected every room in the cottage. Not to mention a garden that looked like a building site, in fact that’s exactly what is was. So three months in paradise was followed by three months of very hard work when actually going to work would have been a rest. But then again that’s what most people thought I was doing at work anyway.


The family then came to live with us for the summer and then further months in the Bahamas followed in October and Christmas interspersed with garden designs and interior decorating and then what happens? The family move to Barcelona and in between the decorating we have had three months or so of this year exploring Barcelona and getting fit on the beach. All in all it’s doesn’t seem a bad life.


The biggest adjustment strangely enough has been the evenings. Whilst at work the routine was always the same, arrive at the hotel, shower, change and then down to the bar to watch the football with a bar meal, some wine and few beers. Of course if there was no sport on then it was into the restaurant for a leisurely meal with a good book. Quite a pleasant way to spend most evenings. But now.......!


Christine has spent so long at home by self while I have been living away in hotels that she thinks she is in charge of the TV remote control. Instead of Arsenal on the TV it’s ‘Grand Designs’, instead of ‘Champions League’ it’s ‘Location, Location, Location’. I point out to her that I cannot remember ever walking down to the hotel bar on a Champions League night to see the TV showing ‘Escape to the Country’. I ask what the point is of having Sky Sport if we don’t watch it, but this doesn’t cut the mustard with Christine who carries on watching Phil & Kirstie.


But with a little compromise and Sky Plus coming to the rescue and I watch all the live sport while Christine records the design programs to watch at another time. Somehow though, the sport in the hotel bar with the beers and bar meal and a crowd watching added atmosphere that I don’t get in our lounge.


So do I miss work, well I think it’s fair to say I miss the people but when I consider that we have just booked to go back to Barcelona for two more trips, New York later in the year, Anersey in France for a couple of weeks not to mention Dublin I think I am happy to be a retired old codger. The school bus must have passed by now I'll just get a glass.

Two days down the garden have resulted in the cast iron bath full of compost and shrubs being moved across the garden to its new home at the end of the upcoming York Stone patio. Also the shed with all its contents being moved three feet further away from the fence to allow a rain gathering system to be installed.


Did this take super human strength? Certainly not, even Christine, who usually strains her back, arms, legs, neck or whatever else simply by using anything heavier than a pair of pruning shears got involved and proved quite useful. I wouldn’t want her to believe I couldn’t have done it by myself but it was very handy to have some help.


After lots of sweat, pushing, shoving and pulling immovable objects I decide to stand back and think about the problem of how to move heavy objects with minimal effort. I think back to my project management days at work and remember the old theory that the only way to eat an elephant is a bite at a time. It seems a good thought except of course I don’t have an elephant and if by some chance I can find one down the bottom of my garden rather than eat it I will get it to move the bath and shed to the new positions. But that’s not really the point.


A small bit at a time, that’s the theory, if I can move the bath a couple of inches then eventually I can move it to its new position. So looking around the garden I come up with an old fence post and a brick and with a bit of levering the bath moves, not quite in the right direction but it moves.


I gradually become an expert on levers and fulcrum points and gradually the bath is manoeuvred across the garden a few inches at a time. The shed follows suit and perhaps it has taken us a full day but we have finally eaten our elephant, everything is in its right place. Except that Christine is just wondering if the bath needs to be a few more inches to the left.


With my new found skills a pyramid is possible and I suggest that unless the bath stays where it is the pyramid may be getting an occupant. Christine misses the point and continues looking at the garden lay out trying to decide if the bath fits in with the water feature, which comes as a bit of a surprise to me as we don’t have a water feature, yet.


Naturally, we don’t want the new water feature to be alongside the house where an electric feed will be easy but instead we want it in the middle of the lawn. All I need to do now is take up the polythene sheets I have already laid to go under the York Stone patio so I can bury the electric cable to say nothing of moving the two tonne of sand on top of them which I have just barrowed down the drive from the road. Perhaps I just missed the bit about the water feature in Christine's Pink Black Book although I am pretty sure she has only just thought about it!


She has, as usual adopted the design method of trial and error and letting things develop as we go along. She never really understands why it drives me crazy when I need to do things twice but all I can say is that the finished product will look good. It always does. Where’s the spade, I need to start moving sand.