I think it is time I introduced you to my wife Christine, we have been married for 40 years this year and she is the same size and weighs the same today as she did on our wedding day. That probably does not apply to me.


Although having a penchant for good quality dark chocolate she eats healthily with the correct daily intake of vegetables and fruit. She is also keen that I should eat well so we can enjoy our retirement.
The other point to note here is that I have spent the last 10 years working away from home from Monday to Friday which means four nights a week in hotels.


About three years ago, I lost a considerable amount of weight on The Atkins Diet and now at 5 foot 9 and thirteen and a half stone I am not the fattest person around but I am also not Chuck Norris. But following this weight loss we introduce a ritual of the ‘Friday Weigh In’ when the gain or loss on the last week away was discussed.


Now this was not easy as you can imagine, living in a hotel all week and trying to watch weight did not seem to work.


Let’s take breakfast:

I would walk downstairs from my room saying to myself Tea and Toast, Tea and Toast, Tea and toast, walk into the restaurant Tea and Toast, Tea and Toast, the waitress would walk up Tea and Toast, Tea and Toast and ask anything cooked this morning sir, Oh just couple of poached eggs on a muffin with some crispy bacon on the side and maybe a couple of sausages please. It happened every time. So there you have it to start the day, bowl of fruit, glass of juice, some shredded wheat because Ian Botham say’s its good for the heart, the hot plate and of course a slice of toast and marmalade to accompany the final cup of tea. And that’s only breakfast.


Lunch was usually OK unless I was driving down the motorway then it would be a service station sandwich and sausage roll because these could be easily managed whilst driving at 80 miles and hour in the middle lane.

Follow up:

Dinner on an evening presented the next problem because I could of course just have the steak with a salad and leave it at that but when you are by yourself the meal needs to last all night so the prawns for a starter look alright, the steak looks OK for a main course but of course it comes with fries and onion rings... But I never had desserts unless they had something with chocolate in then it was hard to refuse but in any case cheese and biscuits usually came into play. All this with a couple of large glasses of wine and perhaps a bottle of Becks and it was time for bed and then it started again with breakfast.


So home on a Friday night unpack straight on the scales and Christine would say ‘Hows it gone this week’. 'OK' says I, porridge for breakfast, a lot of fish and chicken, a few salads and no alcohol but I haven’t lost any weight ‘must be all the sitting in the car”. So we look at other diets South Beach, Weight Watchers, Cabbage etc. all of which probably work but not if you lie about what you eat.


But here’s the rub:

I am now at home and Christine is cooking the meals, porridge for breakfast, lots of fish and chicken with salads and alcohol only at a week end.
Porridge for breakfast. What sort of way to start a day is porridge? I have a theory that if something looks like wallpaper paste and tastes like wallpaper paste it probably is wallpaper paste but no, I am told it’s porridge and it’s good for you. And I am sure before long I will start to cluck and lay eggs but they will of course be healthy eggs.


So what do I do, admit I lied about my eating habits but even if I do Christine will still only cook healthy food so I may as well shut up, enjoy my vegetables and fruit and probably lose weight. If it’s doing any good at all it’s proving I wasn’t an alcoholic.



Join the South Beach Diet here